i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
