is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
