You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
