is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
she pinky promised me she was 18
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Randomize
