i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Where is the hickey?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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