I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
