I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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