Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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