my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize