have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
