went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
