I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
