Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
