my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
