why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
