I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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