i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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