Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
