Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
