im six kinds of drunk right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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