I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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