i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
