I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
