Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
