ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
