I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize