This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
