gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
