hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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