On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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