I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
