i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I wish you could order shots online.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
