I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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