I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
