So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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