He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
