Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
