You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
