i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
