now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
