a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
