if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize