Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize