I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
