its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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