Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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