That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
