the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
