I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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