I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
