my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
