i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
