I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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