My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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