Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize