well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize