Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
