i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
