Can Purell be used as lube?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
