Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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