If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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