dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
