It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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