Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize