shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
