I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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