you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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