shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize