am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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