i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
