I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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