is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize