I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize