Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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