Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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