standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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