the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
