don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize