Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
