took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
foreskin is a definite game changer
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
