did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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