I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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