I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
