i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize