Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
