My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
