I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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