im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
