he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
