I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize