The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
