oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
