Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
