So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize