well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize
