Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I puked a lego.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize