Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
