all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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