I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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