apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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