His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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