It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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