I think I won the penis lottery.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I want her autograph on my taint
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
