Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize